“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Cool.”

“So, answer this, what would you say is the most unforgivable offense for an adult?”

“I don’t know, murder?”

“No, I don’t mean like that.”

“Rape?”

“No.”

“Dude? What are you talking about?”

“I mean, like what is the most socially offensive thing you can do that isn’t an actual a crime.”

“Oh, sorry.  Was I supposed to know what the hell you were talking about?”

“My bad. I should have phrased the question differently.  So, outside of crimes, what is the most offensive behavior?”

“Um, cheating on a spouse?”

“OK, let me start over.  What is the most offensive thing an adult can do that isn’t a crime nor a life altering choice.  So, in the realm of annoying behavior, what is the worst thing a person can do?”

“I don’t know.  I’m guessing you have the answer.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“So, the other day I’m out in my driveway and I noticed my neighbor’s dog was out running around.  It’s kind of running around in the owner’s yard but it’s also going over into the yard next door.  My neighbor and I see each other and we yell ‘hellos’ back and forth along with some generic small talk.  Then, as we are done talking, his dog takes a big shit in the neighbor’s yard.”

“Sounds like a fun afternoon.”

“Doesn’t it?  Adulthood at its finest.  So, the dog takes a shit and then it just wanders back into its own yard and the owner yells for it to come into the house.” 

“OK.”

“And, that’s it.  My neighbor follows it into the house.  He doesn’t go clean it up and he doesn’t acknowledge it to me.  He just walked inside.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, and it wasn’t like he went in to get a bag because I watched for that.  I was messing with something in the yard so I was out there for a while.  I was convinced he was going to get a bag or send one of his kids out or something.  But, no.  He just let his dog shit in the neighbor’s yard.”

“That’s pretty bad.”

“Very bad.  And, it isn’t just bad, it’s bad on multiple levels.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ok, first of all, it’s just a bad thing to do.  If you own a dog, cleaning up after it is part of the deal.  You know that going into it.  So, to not clean up after your dog under any circumstance is just wrong.”

“Agreed.”

“Secondly, this was his next door neighbor’s yard.  Not that it is ok to do it in a stanger’s yard, but you could at least see why someone may try to get away with it in a stranger’s yard.  If you’re several streets over on a walk, maybe you leave and try to get away with it.  Worst case, you get caught by someone you’ll probably never see again.  This was the house next door so getting caught carries such larger implications.”

“Great point.”

“Also, it was the middle of a Saturday.  It wasn’t at night or on a Tuesday when people are at work.  It was at a time when you’d most expect that neighbor to be home.”

“I am in full agreement.”

“I’m not done.”

“Excuse.  Please continue.”

“Lastly, and I find this the strangest part of it, he knows I saw it happen.”

“Hmmm.”

“Yeah.  I mean, he knows I watched him do this and still didn’t clean it up.  If you were going to be a bad person and do this, you’d at least think you’d do it in a situation where you thought no one saw you do it.  In this case, he knows I saw it happen.  He knows I watched his dog shit in the neighbor’s yard in the middle of the day and he knows that I watched him not do a thing about it.  That is weird on a different level.”

“That’s psychotic.  It’s like he is intentionally signaling that he is an asshole.”

“Totally.  He’s going out of his way to make sure I understand just how big of an elitist he is.”

“That is insane.”

“It’s unforgivable.”

“Agreed.  So, have you seen this guy since?”

“Yeah.  Several times.  He just waves like normal.  Like he didn’t reveal himself as the monster he is.”

“Unreal.  And, to your original question, this is the worst.  That is the worst social behavior I can think of.  Awful.”

“It should actually be criminal.”

“Throw that man in jail before he does something else.”

“There’s no telling what else someone like that is capable of.”

“Lock him up because society doesn’t need to find out.”