“Hello?”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Good day, sir. What’s the latest?”

“Nothing. So, listen. You want to know the most obnoxious thing I’ve ever seen?”

“You’ve noticed a lot of obnoxious things over the years.”

“I’ve got a keen eye.”

“Well, yes, let me hear it.”

“And, I guarantee you’ve seen this.”

“Lay it on me.”

“Alright, so I went out of town last weekend and spent about five hours on the interstate and I passed through this section with a lot of construction. You know how when the speed limit drops and there are signs saying that speeding fines are doubled?”

“I’m well aware.”

“Right. So, we’re going through this section and there’s another sign that reads, ‘Pardon Our Progress’.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen those.”

“Me, too. But, it had never offended me as deeply as it did this time.”

“You were offended?”

“You’re not?”

“Not really.”

“Pardon our progress? How fucking obnoxious is that? Think about it, it’s a backhanded way of putting down anyone who doesn’t enjoy the fucking five-year construction plan. Like, ‘Oh, so sorry you don’t like traffic delays and construction vehicles. Excuse me. We’re just progressing over here. So sorry you’re not a fan of progress’.”

“You think that’s what they mean?”

“Yes, I do. It’s like trying to make you feel bad for not appreciating what they’re doing. It’s as if those things need to be mutually exclusive.”

“What things?”

“The things are improving the roads which cause traffic vs. old roads with no traffic. It’s as if you have to be a complete fan of one or the other. We all get that the roads need work from time to time. But, that doesn’t mean we should like, or even appreciate, the traffic that comes with it.”

“Yeah, I see your point. What do you think the sign should say?”

“I think it should say, ‘Sorry, we know this is a pain in the ass. We should be done by April’.”

“Not sure they’d put that on a sign.”

“Well, I think they should, or at least put something similar. Not, ‘Pardon Our Progress’. That’s the most obnoxious, elist shit I’ve ever heard. I’d love to know who at the Department of Transportation thought up that tagline. I can picture this little smarmy guy raising his hand and saying, ‘How about, Pardon Our Progress? The people keep complaining but we’re trying to make things better. They should be appreciating all that we’re doing’. And the thing is, they probably genuinely feel that way, but you don’t put that on a fucking sign. Only, this little guy’s uncle is a city commissioner so they had to listen to his idea. Now, we have these obnoxious fucking signs that are supposed to make me feel bad for not enjoying traffic on the interstate.”

“Wow. You’ve really thought about this. I must say, you make a good point. I hadn’t been too offended by the signs prior to now, but you’re making me think.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

“To make me think?”

“Yes, and to point out the injustices of this world.”

“Wow. I’m lucky to have you around.”

“That you are, my friend. That you are.”