“Hello?” “Yo.” “Yo, what’s up?” “Nothing. I want to know if you’ve observed something recently.” “Shoot.” “Have you noticed ear pickers lately?” “Can’t say that I have. Has this become an issue in your town?” “There seems to be a subset of people in this world who feel it is socially acceptable to perform this... Continue Reading →
“Hello?” “Hey, what’s up?” “Hey, man.” “You want to know the worst thing in the world?” “Yes, I do.” “Down pillows.” “What?” “Down pillows.” “Pillows are the worst thing in the world?” “No. Down pillows are the worst thing in the world.” “Beyond AIDS, hunger, and world suffering?” “Yes, at the end of that list... Continue Reading →
“Hello?” “Hey.” “Hey.” “What are you doing?” “I’m at work. What’s up?” “Nothing.” “Nothing?” “Well, I had a weird exchange today.” “Yeah? With who?” “A girl I used to work with.” “Where?” “On the street.” “OK. Well, are you going to tell me about this or what? I’m not going to conduct a fucking interview... Continue Reading →
“Hello?” “Hey, what’s up?” “Hey man, what’s up?” “Nothing. Alright, tell me if you’ve done this. You know those days when you’re just depressed? Not clinically or anything, but just down? For whatever reason, that day you feel like life is awful, you’re awful, everything is awful. You know what I mean?” “Yes. Every Monday.”... Continue Reading →
“Hello.” “Hey, what’s up?” “What’s up, man. What've you got?” “What do you mean?” “I mean that you always call with some issue you want to get out of your system.” “Yeah, I guess I do.” “So, what have you got?” “Alright, so my boss has been particularly annoying lately.” “How so?” “He’s gotten into... Continue Reading →
“Hello?” “Hey, what’s up?” “Nothing. What’s going on?” “Nada. So, do you have to entertain much for work?” “Not really. It’s not in my jurisdiction. Do you?” “Kind of. Not a lot, but part of my gig is calling on people so it’s a lot of coffees and lunches. Occasionally, I take people out. Our... Continue Reading →
“Hello?” “Hey.” “Hey, what’s up?” “Nothing. You know what pisses me off?” “What?” “The fucking weather man.” “Yeah? You have an issue with a particular weather man?” “No. I think my problem is with all of them.” “OK.” “So, last night I’m flipping around before bed and catch the news. I don’t know who watches... Continue Reading →
“Hello?” “Hey, what’s up?” “Yo.” “Hey, do you remember Kelly Brookdale?” “Do I remember my next door neighbor who our best friend dated throughout high school? Yes, I remember her.” “Well, do you remember how her dad used to cut the grass?” “And make the family come out and watch him?” “Yes.” “Yeah, that was... Continue Reading →
“Hello?” “Hey, what’s up?” “What’s up, man?” “Nothing. Hey, you remember Mr. Rooter from high school?” “Roto Rooter?” “Exactly. You remember the mouse carts we had to make in his class?” “The little mouse trap powered cars we had to make? Of course I remember that.” “I imagined you would. Well, the other day I... Continue Reading →
“Hello?” “Hey, man.” “Hey, bud.” “Let me ask you something, and tell me if I’m crazy, have you ever smelled an ear infection?” “Have I ever what?” “Smelled an ear infection.” “Dude, what the fuck are talking about?” “You have young kids. Those fuckers get ear infections all the time. Have you ever smelled one?”... Continue Reading →