“Hello?”

“Yo, what’s up?”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“So, listen to this.”

“OK.”

“The other day I go into the bathroom at work and there’s some dude in the stall putting out an ungodly smell. It legit smells like toxic waste in there.”

“Two things: First, have you ever actually smelled toxic waste?”

“No I have not. Touche.”

“Second, isn’t it weird that we encounter that just about everyday?”

“What?”

“Standing next to people going number 2. I mean, just about everyday, we stand in a room where another man is taking a crap. That’s a new thing for our species. We used to go off alone and do our business in the woods. Or, we had outhouses that we used one at a time. It’s fairly recent that we have group bathrooms and we stand there and pee while the man next to us pooping. It’s just weird.”

“Yeah, I never really thought about that. What about like the Colosseum in Rome or something? You think they had large group bathrooms?”

“I guess they had to, right? I mean, it’s not like everyone held it while the lions ate the Christians. But still, things like that would be an exception.”

“Right. But anyway, let’s not digress. So, I go in and it smells so bad the guy should be embarrassed. It’s definitely one where you’d wait until everyone left before coming out of the stall. Anyway, I saddle up to a urinal, start going, and a fart comes out.”

“OK.”

“Well, the dude in the stall snickers.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, he does a mocking laugh type snicker. The way you’d do when you wanted to insult someone. Like, if you were at a cookout and there was some really obnoxious guy who then went and threw a football like a girl. You know?”

“That’s a pretty specific example. Did that actually happen?”

“No, it was actually the neighbor across the street. Not sure why I placed him at a cookout for my example.”

“OK, so this guy snickered. What about it?”

“Well, he’s the one taking a gross dump. I farted. His act is far worse than mine, so for him to snicker is ridiculous. I should be the one snickering.”

“Did you say anything?”

“Yeah, I said, ‘You think that’s funny?’”

“And?”

“He says, ‘yeah, it’s funny you just coming in here ripping ass’. So I say, “are you kidding me? It smells like hot garbage in here and you’re laughing at me?”

“And then what?”

“He just goes, ‘Whatever’. Then I said, ‘Yeah, whatever,’ and that was basically it. I washed my hands and left.”

“You just left?”

“Well, I wasn’t going to wait on him. So, I left.”

“Well, don’t act like that’s a bad question.  You were already carrying on a back-and-forth with this guy in the stall.  It’s not unreasonable to think that you would wait on him.”

“Fair point.”

“Well, now what?”

“I don’t know. I was mad about it all day. We have a big office and I didn’t recognize his voice or anything. Every time I pass someone in the hall or see someone in a bathroom stall, I wonder if it’s him.”

“So, you don’t know who it is, but he definitely knows you.”

“Who knows?”

“No, I’m saying he does know. When you’re in a stall, you can always tell who comes in. You only have that sliver in the door crack, but it’s enough to get a visual. No doubt.”

“Huh, you’re probably right. That hadn’t even occurred to me. He knows. He definitely knows. Well, thanks. Now, I’ve got that on my mind as well.”

“I’m here to help. Let me know how it goes.”