“Hello?”

“Yo, what’s up?”

“What’s up, man?”

“Nothing.”

“So, what have you got?”

“You know I’ve got something?”

“Every week.  Like clockwork.”

“I guess there is one thing.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“So, this lady at work, she’s the assistant for our group and handles all the administrative tasks.”

“Like an administrative assistant?”

“Yeah, pretty much.  But, we don’t call her that.  Actually, I can’t remember exactly what we call her.”

“I get the picture.”

“Good.  Anyway, she’s sweet and I like her a lot, but she isn’t easy to use.”

“She isn’t easy to use?”

“Yeah, I know that sounds weird.  Like, if I’m working on a deal or if something comes up with a client, there are tasks that fall to her and that she handles.  These are things I could do myself, but my time is better spent working on business development and so she takes care of day to day things that come up.”

“Got it.  What’s the problem?”

“The problem is that her manner of ‘handling’ things is to ask me countless questions about every part of each task to the point that it’s often easier for me to do things myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, like, if I ask her to pull up the June statement and send it to someone, she’ll ask me: ‘Do they need the full statement or just the balance reconciliation?  Who needs to be on the email? Is this the correct email address? Can you check this and make sure it’s the correct communication? etc’.  She basically asks so many questions that I quit going to her for certain tasks.”

“Sounds like she’s being thorough.”

“No.  She doesn’t want to own anything so she has me double check every single item so if there is a mistake, it’s not her fault.”

“I see.”

“It’s kind of bullshit.  The worst part is that anytime I give her something, she always says ‘I’ll handle it’.  And then, her ‘handling’ of it is sending me countless questions throughout the day.  Sometimes the actual thing doesn’t even get done until the next day because there were so many questions.”

“My wife does that.  But, I think she’s doing it as a clever way to get out of it.”

“That may be what my assistant person is doing.  Like, there’s no way a grown adult thinks they are handling something when they have to ask for baby step instructions to complete it.  I mean, am I crazy?  If you are going to ‘handle’ something, there is a limited amount of instruction you can ask for.  Do it or don’t do it.  But, don’t have me instruct you on the entire thing and then think of yourself as having ‘handled’ something.  It’s a complete fraud.”

“Agreed.  That’s what my wife does, especially with flights?”

“Airline tickets?”

“Yes, whatever you choose to call them.  Somehow she thinks, or acts, like I’m an expert in the field while she is a pure novice.”

“How so?”

“Like, she’ll comment that we need to hurry up and get our flights for a certain trip.  So, I’ll ask if she can handle it and she accepts this responsibility.  But then, every piece of the equation is brought to me for review.  What would be the best time?  How much do we want to spend?  Should I look at other airlines? Do these flights look right?  I mean, we need to be in Denver the weekend of the 18th.  Find the best option.  Asking me questions about every step isn’t ‘handling it’.”

“Exactly.  That’s what my assistant is doing.”

“Sounds like she’s working you.  But, I mean, I do it too.”

“How do you do it?”

“Usually when I’m in charge of the kids’ schedules.  Like, whenever there is a complicated coordination of dropping one kid and picking up the next and then making a third event all while factoring in meals.  I just ask my wife continuous questions or if she’ll write it all down.”

“Really?”

“Yes.  I mean, it all comes from the same place – a fear of screwing it up.  I’m terrified I’ll forget something and then have to hear about it from my wife.  So, I make sure I follow her exact instructions so that I can avoid any specific blame.  If something goes wrong, ‘we screwed up’ instead of ‘I screwed up’.”

“Huh.  Interesting.”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s more common than you think.  What your assistant is doing is no different than the same move you’re probably using elsewhere in your life”.

“Ok, well, now you’ve got me on my heels.”

“I could be wrong, but I bet there is something.”

“I don’t know.”

“Let me ask you this – Do you buy Christmas gifts for family members without your wife’s input?”

“Good point.”

“How about prepping the house before guests come over?  Do you just straighten as you see fit?  Or do you wait for direction?”

“I hear you.”

“How about making dinner plans on a night out?  You just decide when and where to eat on your own?  Do you like to go out on a limb and risk screwing that up?”

“I withdraw my prior complaint.”

“I thought so.”