“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing.  Do you like getting gifts?”

“Why?  Did you get me something?”

“No, I didn’t.  But, seriously, do you like getting gifts?”

“I guess.”

“You do?”

“I’m assuming you don’t?”

“No.  I’m over them.”

“Gifts? You’re over gifts?” 

“Yes.  I mean, I like a thoughtful gift that is actually something I’d use, but those are few and far between.  More often, I get gifts because people feel they need to give a gift and so they just think of some random thing to get.  Then, I have to figure out how to use it or what to do with it.  Most of the time, I’d rather just not have it, but instead I have this thing that I’m now supposed to incorporate into my life.  Then, I get asked about it and I have to bullshit my way through talking about this thing I was given that I don’t really use.”

“Sounds awful.”

“It is.  We all do it.  You’re just forgetting your own experiences.”

“I am?”

“Yes.  I guarantee you’ve had an aunt or grandmother give you a terrible shirt.  Then, later they ask how you like the shirt.  You have no choice but to lie and say you love it.  Then, you feel bad about throwing it away so you hang on to this shirt you’ll never wear.  It just sits in your closet until enough time has passed and then you get rid of it.  You’d rather they’d just not done you that favor.”

“Very true. You make a good point.”

“I know.  Also, I’m not a techy person.  I learn what I need to, but I don’t care about keeping up with the latest thing.”

“I’m with you.”

“I have an unopened, updated version of Alexa.  I should first say that it took me a full year to set up the original Alexa that I have.  Then, without noting any issues or flaws, I was gifted a new Alexa.  So, in theory, I’m supposed to set up the new Alexa, learn its upgraded features, and then discard the current one.”

“The evil of some people.”

“But seriously, now this is just a new chore for me.  That’s an extra thing to do on Saturday.  That, or lie through the questions of, ‘How’s that new Alexa?’.  My guess is that it performs pretty much like the old one.”

“Wow.  I didn’t realize how burdened you were with receiving these gifts.”

“All I’m saying is that I’d be fine if I just didn’t receive them.  Because also, the proper thing is to send a note or thank them for the gift.  And, if that isn’t done in an appropriate time or format, then sometimes feelings are hurt.  All over this thing I didn’t want and didn’t ask for and that I ultimately don’t want to use.  I’d rather have avoided the circumstances altogether.”

“Huh.  Man, you sure have a real passion for life, don’t you?”

“Joke all you want.  I’m just being honest.  Some people love gifts.  They love the attention.  They love that you thought of them.  And, they love to figure out new things.  All I’m saying is that I’m fine.  If there’s something I want, I’ll get it.  If there is a gift I could really use, I’ll mention it around the holidays.  But, otherwise, you can cross me off your list.”

“Well, this has been insightful.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

“Don’t expect anything from me ever again.”

“When have you ever given me anything?”

“I give you these 10 minutes every week.”

“Touché.”