“Hello.”

“Hey.”

“My man.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing. What’s up?”

“Tell me what you think about this.”

“Shoot.”

“Do you think it makes me selfish if I don’t like receiving favors?”

“You don’t like when people do you favors?”

“Correct. I generally don’t like it, or at least, most of the time, I’d prefer they just didn’t”.

“Huh. Why? What do you not like about someone doing you a favor?”

“Well, maybe I should rephrase it. I don’t like when someone invents something to do on my behalf. I mean, if I ask for a favor, then obviously I appreciate it. But, I don’t like when someone just decides to do me a favor. And, I’ll stress that they decide what that favor is and when they will do it.”

“Okay. Not sure I follow. I’m gonna need an example.”

“Alright, so this happened and is the most recent example. It’s what got me thinking about this topic at large. So, I’m on my way to a meeting at a big office building. I’ve parked and am walking up to the building. I get about 20 yards from the door and another guy is entering ahead of me. Well, he pauses and holds the door open for me.”

“What a jerk.”

“I didn’t say that. But, I wasn’t really close enough to the door for the favor to be practical. I still had multiple strides to go. But, because I’m a sheep, I break into that hurry-up trot so that he doesn’t have to hold the door too long. So, I was basically inconvenienced so that I could accept the favor this guy did for me.”

“I’m with you.”

“Right? I mean, it’s a door to a building. It’s not that heavy. It’s not like it was the door to a plane and he saw me sprinting down the jetway. I had to break stride and run so that I could receive the great favor of not having to open a door myself. I’d rather he’d just not done it.”

“Agreed. But, who doesn’t do it? I feel like that’s the universal favor we all do.”

“Totally. I’m guilty as well. Or, at least I used to be.”

“You don’t do it anymore?”

“No. I quit about six months ago.”

“Congratulations. How did you kick the habit? Cold turkey?”

“Basically. One morning I did the favor for a lady who was behind me. She was in heels with a purse and computer bag over her shoulder. It was completely inconvenient for her to break into a light jog simply to enter a pre-opened door. After doing it, I felt awkward and we both walked over and got on the same elevator. In the elevator, I asked her if she’d rather I hadn’t done that. She acknowledged that she appreciated the gesture, but agreed that it was an inconvenience. Since that moment, I stopped doing it.”

“Wow. What a revelation.”

“Yeah, but the problem is it’s not something you can control. I mean, I can not do other people favors, but then I just look like a dick. But, I can’t preemptively ask that people not do favors for me.”

“Is this a problem in your life? Are there other favors that are routinely being done for you?”

“No, there aren’t. But, that’s kind of the point. Most favors are small, like someone needlessly holding a door open. They are relatively rare and inconsequential and so I’d prefer they just not be done in the first place.”

“So, you’d prefer no favors for you ever?”

“Correct. But, it’s not because I’m some curmudgeon. It’s because most favors create more inconvenience than they provide.”

“How is that?”

“Because favors come with the expectation of gratitude or reciprocation.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that the granter of the favor either wants to be acknowledged for the favor they did or in some way they expect similar behavior to be reciprocated.”

“How so?’

“Take the door opener example. If I just walked in the open door and didn’t acknowledge what he did, then I’d be a jerk. Instead, I have to say, ‘Oh, thanks a lot, man’. Then, he gets to feel good about himself. I would rather that exchange not take place at all because I am not sincere in my gratitude. As for reciprocating, that’s usually more with a spouse. You are expected to do little things for each other, but if one side starts doing more favors than they are receiving, the favor granter starts to feel neglected and claims the other side to be selfish.”

“Let me guess, you’re the one being accused of neglect and being selfish.”

“In this specific example, you are correct.”

“Ah, now I see.”

“Look, it’s not that I’m selfish. It’s that I just don’t expect anyone to do little trivial things for me and so I don’t think to do them for anyone else.”

“That’s pretty selfish if you ask me.”

“Is it? I’d rather everyone just handle their little responsibilities themselves. Or at least have a clear division of labor. Not some arbitrary system where everyone needs to be applauded or recognized for these minor assists. I think everything runs more smoothly if we all handle our own.”

“Huh. I don’t know, man. Your case against selfishness isn’t getting any better.”

“Whatever. You just don’t get it.”

“I guess I don’t.”

“Fine. You just keep opening those doors like a sheep.”

“I will. And, I’ll think of you every time.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”