“Hello?”

“Hey, bud.”

“Hey, man. How goes it?”

“All good. So, I’ve kind of got a situation at work.”

“Excellent. Let’s hear it.”

“It wasn’t my fault and it wasn’t on purpose.”

“It never is.”

“So, our office has one of these ‘modern’ layouts where the individual offices are all internal and there’s open glass around the perimeter of the floor. Those interior offices also have a glass wall with a sliding door. There’s a lot of natural light but it’s kind of like being in a fishbowl.”

“I’m sure it’s the picture of modern day Corporate America.”

“It most certainly is. Or, at least it’s a new twist on an old theme. So anyway, our office can get kind of loud and I’ll often shut my door, but the door is basically a large, floor-to-ceiling glass wall, so even though the door is shut, I still see everything going on outside. Because of that, I’ll sometimes get lost in what I’m doing and kind of forget that I have my door shut.”

“Ah, getting lost in your work. Sounds like you’re living the dream.”

“I die a little each time I think about it. Anyway, the other day I was in there with the door shut doing these corporate training modules. We have to do them each year and it’s a pain in the ass. It’s not really hard, it’s just time consuming and kind of a bullshit exercise. So, last week I got jacked up on coffee one afternoon and decided to plow through them. I probably went nonstop for two hours.”

“I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks. The thing is though, this was in the afternoon following lunch. As such, I had the typical after meal farts.”

“Lovely.”

“This wasn’t abnormal, it’s just that I’m typically moving around in and out of my office. On this afternoon, however, I stayed in there just filling the room with gas.”

“Great story, man.”

“Just wait. So, after about two hours of this, something comes up on a deal and I ask the analyst to come into my office. She’s a 20-something who’s been with the company for about six months or so. I know her but have never really spent a lot of time with her.”

“Is she cute?”

“Yeah, she’s pretty cute. She’s definitely more attractive within the backdrop of our office.”

“She’s office hot.”

“Exactly. Anyway, she walks into my office and her expression immediately changes. She looks annoyed to be there. Almost like she’s intentionally trying to look stuck-up.”

“And you don’t know why?”

“Not at first. Worse, within a few minutes, I table the issue we need to discuss because I realize I need to address it with my boss before she and I can move forward. So, I excuse myself so that I can talk to him and we both leave my office.”

“I’m sure this was a welcomed relief to her.”

“I’m sure it was. So, I go talk with my boss and we clear it up pretty quickly. As I walk back to my office, I stop at her desk, mention we’re good to go, and suggest we go back to my office to finish working on the deal. She looks very reluctant and comes along as though she’s acting against her will. I’m kind of annoyed because her job is to help work on deals. So, we get to my office and I enter first with her trailing behind me. The smell hits me immediately, as does the reason for her attitude. It’s like a gas chamber. Like, walking into a men’s room after someone took a fresh shit.”

“Sounds wonderful.”

“Worse yet, there’s nothing I can do. I know it stinks and I know she’s thinking about how bad it stinks. I can’t acknowledge it. I mean, I can’t say, ‘Boy, it stinks so bad in here that we should go somewhere else.’ Instead, I just have to ignore it.”

“Does she do anything?”

“She asks if she needs to shut the door. I tell her that we can leave it open.”

“Well, that was nice of you.”

“It’s the least I could do. So, there we are, sitting in my farts. It was awful. It’d be one thing if we were in a conference room or an elevator and she only suspected that I’d farted. But, this is worse. Like, there is no doubt that it is my fart she is smelling. And, there is no way to address it or reasonably change the circumstances. We just sit there marinating in it. She looks like someone being forced to hang out in the glass smokers lounge at the airport.”

“That’s amazing. Truly amazing. How have things been with her since?”

“I wouldn’t know because she has avoided me like the plague. And, I literally mean that. It’s almost as though she has a tracker on me and removes herself before I enter a room. I’ve hardly seen her since and when I have, she doesn’t make eye contact with me.”

“Maybe her eyes are still burning?”

“Maybe.”

“You have a lot of stories about work. You sound like quite the charmer.”

“It’s a gift.”