“Hello?”

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m at work. What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Well, I had a weird exchange today.”

“Yeah? With who?”

“A girl I used to work with.”

“Where?”

“On the street.”

“OK. Well, are you going to tell me about this or what? I’m not going to conduct a fucking interview here.”

“Right. Sorry. So, today I took a walk around the block just to get out of the office. On my walk, I ran into this girl, Karen. We said a brief hello and I asked how she was doing. She replies by telling me she’s in a “good place’.”

“OK.”

“You don’t think that sounds odd. To tell someone you’re in a ‘good place’?”

“No, not really. Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Who the fuck is Karen?”

“Oh, right. Sorry. So, Karen was this nice gal who’d worked at the bank for about two years, but left last February for a new position at a different bank around the corner.”

“She sounds lovely.”

“Eh. She’s very nice, but has her issues.”

“Such as?”

“I think she’s a little crazy, or possibly psychotic.”

“Alright. So I assume she demonstrated this behavior at work?”

“Oh yeah, on two specific occasions that I know of. One time, she lost her shit in the break room after she burnt her toast.”

“Why?”

“Well, burnt toast had become an issue at work. I don’t know all the details because I don’t make toast at work. But, what I gathered was that our toaster was hyper aggressive and you had to dial back the settings otherwise your toast would burn. It happened all the time and the office always smelled like burnt bread. It got to a point that company wide emails were circulated about the issue.”

“Sounds serious. And, productive.”

“Doesn’t it? Corporate America at its finest. Anyway, apparently a couple days after these emails, Karen burnt her fucking toast, much to the annoyance of others in the office. From what I hear, someone confronted her, politely from what I was told, and explained the whole burnt toast issue in our office. Karen took this as a personal assault and went off. She started yelling that she didn’t do it on purpose and for everyone to stop attacking her. Apparently, the other person explained it wasn’t an attack, to which Karen told her, ‘To hell it ain’t’. Now, back off’. Needless to say, this created a hush in the break room and word quickly spread through the office.”

“Huh. Sounds exciting. I don’t know. I kind of get her point.”

“Exactly. And, I think that’s how she got off. I mean, HR was notified of the situation but when all the evidence was examined, it was determined she was no more in the wrong than the other lady.”

“So, she got off?”

“That time.”

“Oh, so there was another time?”

“Yeah. So, another time Karen was heading into the ladies room.”

“She was heading to the head?”

“Yes. That’s very clever. So, she was heading to the head as you say, and she got there right at the same time as the cleaning lady. So she tells the cleaning lady that she needs to use the facility first and goes on in. Well, evidently, the cleaning lady gives her about a minute before she starts knocking to ask if she’s done.”

“They can be pushy.”

“This one especially. I kind of understood Karen’s point at first. So, the lady knocks and Karen tells her to wait. Then, she knocks again, she tells her to wait again. This goes on a few times until ultimately, Karen loses it. She apparently finishes in a hurry and comes to the door and starts berating the lady. She’s clearly lost it at this point because she starts screaming about having an upset stomach and having feminine hygiene needs and that she can’t attend to either of them because of the incessant pestering.”

“Oh, so she’s saying this for everyone to hear?”

“Oh yeah. She’s fucking screaming and essentially telling everyone she’s on her period and has diarrhea.”

“Oh my. How does the lady take it?”

“She acted frightened but I don’t think she was. It was an older Asian lady and I think those broads are tough as nails. She just acted scared because she knew she could play it up. And, it worked. She received an apology, she didn’t have to clean the bathroom, and she probably won herself six months of slack work without anyone saying anything.”

“Smart play.”

“Very smart.”

“Anyway, there wasn’t much hiding this outburst of Karen’s. HR was once again involved. They had no choice but to be. By this point, it was widely accepted that Karen was fucking crazy. But, I don’t know that you can fire someone for that. I don’t know what actually happened other than HR met with Karen, she was out the remainder of the week, and then ‘resigned’ the following week claiming she was accepting another opportunity. She said a few cursory good-byes that week and then was gone.”

“So long, Karen?”

“So long, Karen. That was probably about a year ago. And, as you can imagine, I haven’t thought much about her since, or at least until today when I saw her on my walk.”

“And she claimed to be in a ‘good place’?”

“Yes. And, it sounded psychotic. First of all, to be in a ‘good place’ insinuates you were previously in a ‘bad place’. And, even if you’re experiencing a rough patch at home or at work, you generally don’t refer to it as a ‘bad place’. You describe what’s going on and acknowledge how it’s hard or frustrating, but you don’t think of your head or mind being somewhere bad.”

“So, you didn’t believe her?”

“No, I didn’t. What I believed was that she was nuts previously, and her comment today reaffirmed my opinion. I almost wanted to advise her not to make that comment if only for her own sake. Telling me you’re in a ‘good place’ doesn’t make me think you are in a ‘good place’. It makes me wonder where in the fuck you were before and makes me doubt the validity of your new proclaimed ‘good place’.”

“Yeah, I see your point. It doesn’t paint the best picture.”

“Not at all.”

“So, you’re going to continue thinking Karen’s just in a different version of her old ‘bad place’?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Ole toast burning, stall shitting, crazy Karen can’t catch a break with you, huh?”

“Afraid not. What about you? You think she’s in a ‘good place’?”

“It’s not my place to judge.”

“I see what you did there. Well done.”

“Thank you.”