“Hello?”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing. What’s going on?”

“Nada. So, do you have to entertain much for work?”

“Not really. It’s not in my jurisdiction. Do you?”

“Kind of. Not a lot, but part of my gig is calling on people so it’s a lot of coffees and lunches. Occasionally, I take people out. Our company has hockey tickets that get divvied up among the different groups. Most of my evening entertaining consists of taking people to the hockey games.”

“Good story.”

“There’s more.”

“Good.”

“So, the other night I’m supposed to take the CEO and CFO of a prospective client. The plan is to meet for dinner beforehand and then walk over to the game. A couple days before, the CEO has to bail. He apologizes for the late notice but asks if a guy from the Finance group can take his spot. Of course, I tell him that’s fine because what else am I going to say? Then, the day before, the CFO has a death in the family and has to bail. He calls and apologizes and asks if another person from the company can fill in. Again, what am I going to say?”

“So, have you ever met the new people who are going?”

“No. But, the CFO gives me one of the guys’ contact information. I email him the details and he confirms the plan on his end. A little while later, he emails to say the original ‘other person’ can’t come and he asks if he can bring their intern.”

“The intern?”

“Yes. So, I went from using the tickets on the CEO and CFO to now using them with a guy from the Finance department and the intern.”

“Solid networking.”

“Exactly.”

“Again, what am I supposed to say, ‘No, you guys aren’t important enough and I need to renege’? So, I meet them at the restaurant and the Finance guy is a normal, middle-aged guy and the intern is a 2o year-old Chinese kid.”

“I like that the Finance guy is described as ‘normal’ relative to the Chinese person.”

“You know what I mean. It turns out the Chinese kid is extremely smart. He’s a grad student who moved here three months ago having never visited the US and unable to speak English. Since then, he’s not only acclimated, but he’s working an internship and can speak relatively passable English.”

“What qualifies as relatively passable?”

“He can get by. It’s not great, but put it this way, his English is much better than my Mandarin.”

“Touche.”

“Anyway, we finish and go to the game. I’m not really paying attention but as we go through security, they tell the kid that he can’t bring in his backpack.”

“His backpack?”

“Yeah, his backpack. I hadn’t noticed but this kid had been wearing a backpack. I think he was carrying it like you’d carry a purse. Regardless, he had a backpack and you can’t bring shit like that into stadiums anymore.”

“I didn’t even think about that.”

“Neither had I. Anyway, we’re standing there trying to enter and they’re telling us he can’t come in. It’s not like he’s going to throw it away and we can’t just leave him to fend for himself.”

“So, what do you do?”

“Fortunately, there was a sympathetic security guard who assisted us. He was an older white guy in 60s. Right away he noted that it was ‘a cultural thing,’ referring to our Chinese friend carrying a backpack. You could tell he was very proud of himself for making this observation. He wanted everyone to take stock of his cultural knowledge and his lack of racial prejudice.”

“Like someone saying they have lots of black friends.”

“Exactly. He wanted it well understood that he was not demonstrating any ethnic biases. Anyway, after we concluded that the problem was in fact ‘a cultural thing’, he told us we would be escorted to guest services where we could then check the bag.”

“Check it?”

“Yes, like a coat check. And, keep in mind, I’m in ‘host’ mode this whole time so I’m having to keep a real caring attitude. In reality, I’m thinking why the fuck did you bring a backpack and I’m wondering why the other guy let him bring it. Anyway, our escort arrives and she is an 80-year-old woman in a rascal.”

“A rascal? Like the motorized scooters?”

“Precisely. So, the game is starting and people are heading to their seats. We’re swimming upstream against the crowd behind our rascal escort. I’m passing a few people I know and I don’t really have time to explain what’s happening. I just field their puzzled look and keep moving. We then get to the bag check and I talk to the desk. We then have to get the manager to approve that the backpack can be left at the desk.”

“That sounds fun. And, relaxing.”

“Exactly. It’s so fucking annoying. Not that this is having to be done, but that I’m the one having to deal with it. Had he just been able to meet us at the seats, that’d have been one thing. But, I’m basically having to babysit this process.”

“So, did they accept it?”

“Yes, thankfully. We eventually make it to our seats and everything is fine. After the game though, we have to go back and get the bag. That took us another 30 minutes. The place was empty by the time we left. It was just us and the stadium employees.”

“Good times.”

“Right. It was just ridiculous all over.”

“Well, was it worth it?”

“No, of course not. A week after taking the Finance guy and the Chinese intern we get the word that they awarded their business to someone else. It was perfect.”

“Sounds like a cultural thing.”

“Exactly.”