“Hello?”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Yo.”

“Hey, do you remember Kelly Brookdale?”

“Do I remember my next door neighbor who our best friend dated throughout high school? Yes, I remember her.”

“Well, do you remember how her dad used to cut the grass?”

“And make the family come out and watch him?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah, that was the weirdest shit I’d ever seen.”

“Well, now that you have kids and you see what a pain in the ass families can be, can’t you kind of understand what had to be going on when he’d do that?”

“I haven’t given it much thought lately.”

“Well, think about it. We were in high school. The younger brothers were at least junior high. His daughter was a year older than us. He’s got three kids, all able bodied. He works a full time job supporting these fuckers. They live in a nice neighborhood. Nice house. And now, on Saturday, he’s the one who has to cut the lawn. I bet the kids had bitched about it or one of them was supposed to have done it that week but didn’t. So, he’d wake up Saturday, look at that shaggy grass, and just get pissed. He’d be like, ‘everybody, front and center’. Even his wife is annoyed but she has to take his side. He’s like, ‘so nobody wants to help around here? You all have better things to do? Fine. But now, you’re going to watch me do it and then tell me how much you enjoyed that. You thought you’d just not do your chores and then run off with your friends today? Not a fucking chance’. You know? Can’t you picture that happening?”

“Oddly enough, yes, I can.”

“Right? I mean, the chances of that happening are so much greater than him just being a fucking lunatic who made his kids watch him cut the grass.”

“Yeah. His side seems a lot more reasonable than it did then. What the fuck made you think of this?”

“My son didn’t pick up his toys in the living room and so I had to do it. He tried to run off but I made him sit there and watch me.”

“Your son is only three years old though.”

“Almost. He’ll be three in April.”