“Hello?”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“What’s up, man?”

“Nothing. Hey, you remember Mr. Rooter from high school?”

“Roto Rooter?”

“Exactly. You remember the mouse carts we had to make in his class?”

“The little mouse trap powered cars we had to make? Of course I remember that.”

“I imagined you would. Well, the other day I googled the high school. I can’t remember why. Nowadays every school has a website just as a company would. I was scrolling through the teacher directory just to see who was still there and I came across Mr. Rooter. His contact info was listed alongside his name so I emailed him.”

“Really? Just to say hello?”

“Actually, I didn’t email him. Bill Sanderson did.”

“Need I ask?”

“Bill Sanderson is a fake persona I created.”

“And why was Bill emailing Mr. Rooter?”

“Well, Bill had heard about this mouse cart project and wanted to use it in his class. Bill is a high school science teacher in Atlanta who heard about it through one of Mr. Rooter’s former students.”

“Ok.”

“So, Bill sent an introductory email explaining as much and asked if he could piggyback on the project.”

“And what came of that?”

“Mr. Rooter was delighted.”

“I’m sure he was.”

“What teacher wouldn’t be? A fellow peer wanting to implement one of your innovative ideas into his teaching curriculum. Very exciting.”

“Ok, how long has this gone on?”

“Bill and Mr. Rooter have had about four or five exchanges.”

“What the fuck are you up to?”

“I don’t know. Amusing myself?”

“Well, keep going.”

“Anyway, Mr. Rooter started explaining the project and Bill asked poignant questions. About the third email, it was clear Bill was missing a key element of the project. You see, Bill is under the impression that little mice drive the cars.”

“Fuck, dude.”

“He asked how the parents feel about the kids caring for a mouse over the duration of this project? What do they feed the mice? How do they get them strapped into the cars?”

“Wow. You’re a weird bird.”

“So is Mr. Rooter. He replied that Bill was way off with his understanding of this project. No mice are involved. None whatsoever. The cars are powered by a string around the axle pulled by the closing mousetrap. It’s a project that explores science and mechanics.  Bill didn’t understand. He went on to inquire about whether the mice need little helmets and what the kids do with the mice after the project is over.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Three or four weeks. Mr. Rooter repeated his position that no mice are used in the project and he was stern in making this point. Bill didn’t appreciate Mr. Rooter’s tone and basically told Mr. Rooter what a weirdo he was for making kids play with mice. He insisted this project was not something he wanted to get involved with after all.”

“And?”

“Mr. Rooter didn’t like Bill’s comments and expressed that he didn’t want Bill’s involvement either. Ultimately, it ended awkwardly for both of them.”

“Oh, it did?”

“Yes. They won’t be conversing anymore.”

“And you just up and decided to do this one day?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“You are a sick man.”

“Don’t I know it.”