“Well, how did it go?” Michael asked.

“Not as I’d planned,” I answered.

“Oh, really? What happened? Or, what didn’t happen?”

“Hard to say. I’m still trying to process it.”

“Well, let’s process it right now. What did y’all discuss?”

My discussion had been with a coworker. She’d been with the company almost two years and was good at her job. In that time, she and I had also become decent friends. We were the same age and both had young families, so we had a lot in common. Our conversations were substantive and drilled below the surface level of most office interactions.

That all changed three months ago after she’d been assigned to work on one of my deals. Although we’d frequently interacted, this was the first time we’d truly worked together. And, it hadn’t gone well.

There were several reasons why things had gone poorly and they all varied based on one’s perspective. The deal had been complicated and had involved numerous third parties. It had also required the work of multiple people within our company. The deal had ultimately been approved and completed, but it was not without multiple delays, misunderstandings, and a few heated conversations.

Everyone shared some of the blame and also had a finger to point at someone else. A post-mortem debrief had been conducted with the intention of clearing the air, but it had ultimately failed. Everyone involved walked away with hurt feelings and a begrudging opinion. I was no different. Neither was she.

Over the next several weeks, I attempted to mend the fence between us. I stopped by her desk each day, asked about her kids, and touched on that week’s office gossip. She didn’t bite. Regardless of what I said or how I said it, she wasn’t interested. She didn’t shun or dismiss me. It was nothing convictable. Rather, it was the subtle stone walled facade a woman uses when she is mad at you. My only proof that she was mad at me was my own intuition. The same way you know when your wife is upset based simply on a look. She was mad, plain and simple. And, after a month had passed I realized she wasn’t going to let it blow over.

That’s how we arrived at our conversation today. The tension had reached a point I was no longer willing to tolerate. I’d asked if the two of us could talk, address our feelings, and hopefully put this behind us. She obliged and we talked. But, I didn’t feel any better.

“She was open and explained why she was upset. Her feeling was that I hadn’t communicated well throughout the process, that I’d dismissed her ideas, and that I’d ultimately thrown her under the bus,” I said.

“And, how did you respond to that?” Michael asked.

“I acknowledged her feelings. I tried to explain my position in the areas she addressed. But, I mainly apologized for not handling the situation very well.”

“How did that feel?”

“It felt like I apologized and she accepted my apology.”

“And that’s not what you intended?”

“I was expecting we’d meet in the middle and both acknowledge our faults. It felt more like I walked to the end of her side and apologized, then she gave me a nod of acceptance before I turned around and walked back.”

“Huh. Well, does it feel like the tension is gone?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Everything has been aired, so at least now there isn’t that elephant in the room. It no longer feels like there’s something weighing over us.”

“Well, wasn’t that the point? To clear the tension?”

“Yeah, I guess it was.”

“So, it sounds like it was a good meeting. Mission accomplished.”

“True. I was hoping to clear the tension, but I was also hoping both sides would admit some wrong doings. I didn’t intend to be the only one acknowledging my mistakes.”

“Sounds like you’re reenvisioning what your goal was.”

“What do you mean?”

“You had one goal: to clear the tension. You took action, had your awkward meeting, and accomplished your goal. Now, you’re imagining what else you could have done. Don’t do that. If there’s something new you want to accomplish, set a new goal and set about achieving it. But, don’t downgrade what you just accomplished.”

He was spot on. I was being greedy. I needed to recognize the progress that had been made. Instead, I was thinking about what could have been. You don’t get up from a good meal only to regret what you didn’t order. You wouldn’t set about on a five mile run and then shame yourself for not doing six. But, that’s the equivalent of what I was doing.

There will always be more that could have been done. However, just because things could have been handled a little better doesn’t mean they weren’t done well. Sometimes the outcome will feel different than you imagined. Sometimes you realize the bar could have been set higher. But, that doesn’t negate what was accomplished. Don’t lose sight of what you’d set out to achieve. Remember the objective.